A Gay Life: The Experiences of thatP

Age - How old are you now? When you started your online diary?

Marital Status?
Currently dating a guy.

Occupation - What kind of work do you do?
Full time student of Japanese and Economics.

Hobbies - What do you like to do, besides keep this diary?
I've started writing a book and have just launched another website (AllGayUK.com)

Location - Where are you from? Where are you now?
London

Do you communicate with readers of your diary?
I found that I used to address my readers directly, and didn't like that. So I've added a new "dear readers" section. As a result the diary had become more personal again. I'm much happier seperating the two.

How much email feedback to you recieve from your diary? Is it mainly positive or negative?
Usually 20 e-mails a day or so. I don't have time to reply anymore, but it's overwhelmingly positive. I also get many guys writing to me for advice. I think I've managed to help many who are less secure about their sexuality than I am. Just the other day a guy wrote to me saying that he'd managed to come-out thanks to the honesty in my diary. He's in his mid-thirties, and so I felt really proud at my age to help someone like him. Having said that, lots of younger guys have said that I've given them hope for the first time. I helped convince someone not to commit suicide, and that was a good feeling too.

Have you met any new friends because of the diary?
I met this one guy, and he's really sweet. It's an odd friendship though, since he knows everything about me (and I mean everything), and I know only a little about him.

Has your motivation changed over time?
Yeah, at first it was just to get regularly changing content.. Then I realised that the feedback really helped me. It's a more extreme way of keeping a diary. It's even harder to be bias, because if I am, people will point it out to me. As time moved on though, I realised that it helps other people as much as it helps me. That was quite a revelation, and right now is part of the motivation. 

How has the diary changed your life?
Yes, I went through a period of depression and the support I recieved helped change me into a much more confident and happy person. Also I've managed to become much more open and honest in my "real" life too.

Do your friends and family know you keep this journal/read it? If so have you had any really negative experiences as a result? If not why?
Yes. Everyone I know, knows that it exists. Many people I know have read it at some stage. I have no idea how many people I know read it now. Back in January of last year, my boyfriend of the time found the site and didn't like me publishing my diary. The relationship was already going badly, so it just made things worse. However, now I can explain my reasons more clearly, and so people are more accepting. Besides the positive newspaper press coverage that I have received has also shown my friends and family that others think what I am doing is worthwhile. That seems to have made a difference.  

Has your diary ever gotten you in trouble? If so, how? Scenerio: If you were wronged by a person that you know reads your diary, would you bash them anyway? What about family? What about co-workers?
No, but it has forced me to be even more honest in real life. That's a good influence though, isn't it. Ultimately however hard it is at first, the more honest you are, the easier it is to live your life.

I did a summer job in an investment bank. As I was resigning I showed one of my co-workers the site... By the next day most of the people around me had seen the site. I think it really surprised many of them, but ultimately didn't cause any problems.

If you had to do it over again from the beginning, what would you change?
About 6 months ago I had to go through it and change everyone's name. The site had become too popular and my friends felt uncomfortable at me using their real names....  

Do you have any favorite entries?
Yes many. I'm really glad I took the time to write about the bomb attack on the gay community back in May. I was in the area and it affected me in a big way. I'm proud of the way I was able to talk honestly about the erection problems I was having back in October. But recently my life's been going really well, and it's nice to have entires where I'm really positive and happy.  

What do you look for in an online journal, as a reader?
This probably sounds awful, but I have no interest in reading other people's diaries.